M&M Evolution Theory: Food For Thought

Theory of M&M Evolution
Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty
to continue and improve the strength
and robustness of the candy as a species.
To this end, I hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger,I apply pressure,
squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters.
That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately.
The winner gets to go another round.
I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher,
and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior.
I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive
long in the intense theatre of competition that is
the modern candy and snack-food world.
Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or
pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves
to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives
the candy extra strength.
In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.
I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd.
Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack
it neatly in an envelope and send it to:
M&M Mars, A Division of Mars,Inc.Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A.,
along with a 3x5 card reading,
"Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."